You Are in Recovery – But Your Partner is not. Now What?

What do you do if your significant other is not in recovery – and you are?

Former addict Lucinda Lumiere had to find that out for herself, after dating a slew of men who were not in recovery after she decided to get clean, until finally ending up with her husband – who subsequently is also not in recovery.

While their relationship was initially without issues, they eventually started to hit a rough patch in terms of the stability of their marriage. As a result, she had to take a step back and tell herself “I have tools, I have support, and I have a program…and I know that, ultimately, it will be ok. Because the main relationship in my life is with myself, and that is a person who is in recovery. For every crisis, every unexpected nosedive, and for the sudden gifts, I keep coming back.”

Lumiere confesses that her reluctance to find a partner that is also in recovery is reflective of her overall commitment to her own sobriety. She aims to share with others going through a similar problem, that while it is important to foster relationships, you and your sobriety are ultimately the most important things to take care of. After all, if you cannot keep your commitment to living a clean lifestyle, then how can you truly commit to someone else?

She echoes this idea by acknowledging that, “All these years, I was looking for the one person who would love me unconditionally, never leave me, and make me feel safe. I never knew it was me.”